do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i now understand why vodka
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