Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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