Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
