respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
