college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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