I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
