If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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