it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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