He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
