I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
