Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
