Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
