How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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