So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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