So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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