I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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