My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
