I like my sex mixed with concussions.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
