Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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