No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
