Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize