I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
