Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
