Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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