My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
