I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
