Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
