I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
