oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
