Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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