I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sext me about skeletons
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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