Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
