i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
