That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
