If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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