I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
