you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just googled if crying burns calories
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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