K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
