This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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