I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
