the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i think i just lost a toe
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
