wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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