Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
