I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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