My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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