Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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