Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
