i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
