Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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