Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
