omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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