He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
