One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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