The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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