I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
