we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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