just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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