I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT