i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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