I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.