3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers