the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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