just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
