Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
