Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
