You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
