Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
