so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
