one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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