Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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