HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
