im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
