epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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